Friday, November 9, 2012

Dear Mitt: Flip the Big Bird to the Public Sector and Buy the Red Sox

After Tuesday's election showing, Mitt Romney told reporters that "he's not going away." Well, that's good to hear, Mitt. Many of us find the notion of a shrewd executive doing his best to make government run like a for-profit business with stuff like budgets and spending controls quite refreshing. However, Mitt may want to "explore other opportunities" that he may find more rewarding and less draining (both emotionally and financially) than his quest for public service. If I was Mitt's career coach (and he thanks his personal God that I'm not), here are a few ideas I'd float to the Man from Belmont:

Flip the Big Bird to the Public Sector

OK, Mitt...Newt Gingrich nailed you on this one during one of the primary debates. As you mentioned that you've been in the private sector, Newt popped off that if you had your way, you wouldn't have been because you've been running for office since 1994 when you spent ~$50 million running for Senate against Ted Kennedy. The only reason you weren't in the public sector is that you LOST. Let's see...

1994 Senate (L)
2003 Governor (W)
2008 President (L)
2012 President (L)

Dude...you're 1-3. Tony Danza's character on Taxi had a better boxing record than your election record. Let's stop spending the family fortune on losing elections and...

Slip into a cozy chair at Bain and get back to work

You want to make a real difference? How about getting back to what you do best...making boatloads of money. Why not? You can still do this and a Special Situations fund with your name all over it would leave a much more enjoyable legacy for your family than a ~$100+ million spent on elections with questionable results. Build and run a successful fund and replenish your family's legacy wealth. There are plenty of Special Situations around to refurbish, enhance and return to prosperity. You could make a much greater difference in this capacity than banging your head against the table because you have to listen to Lizzie Warren for the next four years. Once the investment period in the Bain Special MITTuation Fund wanes down and deals begin to roll off, maybe you can concentrate on what will most likely be the ultimate Special Situation...

Buy the Boston Red Sox

The drain is circling on the Sox right now. Sure, baseball ops can do their best to cobble together a competitive squad and slowly bring them back to contention. However, as long as Larry Lucchino is involved with that organization, he'll have a hand in baseball ops and will ultimately do something to &*(% them up. John Henry and Tom Werner won't combat him, so Boston is stuck with him and a dysfunctional ownership. This can't end well. How it will end is with an angry fan base and a franchise value about 20% off the Pink Hat peak from a year or so ago. What better special situation than the Boston Red Sox around 2017? By then turnaround artist Mitt will be ready for a new challenge. C'mon man...it'll be right there waiting for you. You thought turning around the Olympics was rewarding? Just wait...

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