Huuuge grains of salt…2009 Cubs = 2001 Red Sox?

When I was a kid I spent a couple of years in the Chicagoland area and the next couple of years in the Boston area. For some reason my borderline-nomadic self has kept the allegiance to both the Cubs and the Red Sox. Because of this sickness, late October 2003 was a wicked crappy time for me…with one exception – I didn’t have to expend too much effort to think up a Halloween costume. I just wore my Red Sox jersey and my Cubs hat and was instantly transformed into the World’s Most Pathetic Baseball Fan.

I had a Tweet the other day noting that this year’s disheveled Cubs squad reminded me a lot of the 2001 Red Sox. You may argue that the 2009 Cubs may have even more potential talent on their roster with their reasonably solid pitching and slightly less dead weight than the likes of the 2001 editions of Mike Lansing and Troy O’Leary. But examine a few ailments befalling both teams and the likeness is uncanny…

Affliction: Malcontent behavior in the dugout
2001 Red Sox: Manny Ramirez slouching during the National Anthem before first game back after September 11 terrorist attacks (note absence of the term "man-made disasters")
2009 Cubs: The Gatorade cooler as endangered species

Affliction: Crotchety episodes from a manager whose act is wearing thin
2001 Red Sox: Jimy Williams' “manager’s decision”
2009 Cubs: Lou Piniella ripping Milton Bradley a new one after yet another meltdown

Affliction: Ace fragile diva extraordinaire
2001 Red Sox: Pedro Martinez
2009 Cubs: Carlos Zambrano

Affliction: OBP nightmares
2001 Red Sox: Troy O’Leary (.298), Mike Lansing (.294), Shea Hillenbrand (.291)
2009 Cubs: Alfonso Soriano (.298), Micah Hoffpauir (.287), Aaron Miles (.240)

Affliction: Heart attack closers
2001 Red Sox: Derek Lowe, Ugueth Urbina
2009 Cubs: Kevin Gregg

Affliction: Big-ticket, overpriced free agents signed in prior years never living up to erroneously high expectations
2001 Red Sox: Jose Offerman
2009 Cubs: Alfonso Soriano

Affliction: Injured catcher
2001 Red Sox: Jason Varitek (broken elbow)
2009 Cubs: Geovany Soto (strained oblique)

Affliction: Coaching staff sacrifices
2001 Red Sox: John Cumberland
2009 Cubs: Gerald Perry

Affliction: Beleaguered GM
2001 Red Sox: Dan Duquette
2009 Cubs: Jim Hendry

Affliction: Old ownership with a callous personality towards its fan base
2001 Red Sox: John Harrington, once dubbed “the world’s luckiest CPA,” CEO of the Yawkey Trust
2009 Cubs: Tribune Company (but as a former public company and LBO gone bad, a sharper eye on the bottom line and maximization of stakeholder return is required)

Affliction: Charming yet rotting ballpark in desperate need of a face lift
2001 Red Sox: Fenway
2009 Cubs: Wrigley

Affliction: Impending sale with hiccups
2001 Red Sox: Sale to John Henry’s group at a not-quite-highest bid and the ensuing Commonwealth of Massachusetts inquiry on the trust’s fiduciary duty to get maximum price
2009 Cubs: Possible Cubs bankruptcy to expedite sale to Ricketts group

Solution: New leadership with keen eye on financial markets
2002 Red Sox: John Henry, a longtime commodity trading adviser
2010 Cubs (projected): Tom Ricketts of Ameritrade and Incapital

Based on this admittedly highly superficial yet convincing evidence, the stars have re-aligned in 2009 in a similar pattern to 2001. Knowing what we know about that brutal Red Sox season (regardless of how many days Dan Duquette said the Sox were in first place) and the following years, several conditions must ring true for the Cubs to win a World Series:
· The sale can’t go through soon enough. This organization needs a thorough housecleaning of all that is previous ownership – not for change’s sake alone (after all, there was an ownership ticket-scalping fracas in 1908, too…how’d that work out for ya?), but so the new group can develop, articulate and execute their plan with efficiency and purity.
· Strong chance that when the Cubs win the World Series, Lou Piniella isn’t their manager. Maybe a calmer, less impulsive voice with a keener eye towards statistics and in-depth analysis. Perhaps a former manager with thickened skin from an unfortunate and untenable situation (Manny Acta, anyone?)
· A new GM is a safe bet. Like Duquette with Pedro, Hendry made some good moves during his tenure (Aramis Ramirez, Derrek Lee) but others have been questionable (Jacque Jones, Soriano). The farm system isn’t the greatest in the world, either. Still, new bosses bring their own people in. May I suggest a youthful voice unencumbered by tradition and old methods? Maybe someone from Sox baseball operations (Ben Cherrington, Jed Hoyer or Mike Hazen are names that come to mind).

· The Sox reached the Promised Land in three years after the sale…with a little help from Yankee Lobster (I’ll explain one of these days). Provided the sale goes through by the offseason, that gets us to 2012. There’s the Cubdom mystique of the year 2014, but why wait two extra years?
· Enough of the friggin' goats already!

And another thing...when it finally happens, don't sign the guy that made the last out of the World Series against you.